We Can Do Something About Teen Suicide

Many parents are, unfortunately, not aware of how common the problem of teen suicide is. In America, it’s estimated there is an average of more than 3,000 suicide attempts every day by young people in grades 9 to 12. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people ages 10 to 24, killing more teens and young adults than cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza and chronic lung disease combined.

Studies have found that four out of five teens who attempt suicide have given clear warning signs, yet too often such signs are ignored or simply not noticed or recognized.

Life today can seem overwhelming for many adolescents. Young people are confronted with physical and hormonal changes, school grade anxieties, being socially accepted and making life decisions about college or employment choices. Other factors, such as a parental divorce, a seriously ill relative or even moving to a new home can bring added levels of stress and anxiety. Being bullied, whether in person or online, will also contribute to the negative feelings a teen may be experiencing.

Teens affected by such factors are often suffering from depression and suicide may simply seem the easiest way to escape the blackness they are feeling.  Depression is a mental health issue that doesn’t cure itself, but it does have a number of signs that can help a parent spot a teen in trouble.

Teens suffering from depression will often exhibit changes in eating and sleeping habits. They often are withdrawn, losing interest in friends and family, and no longer participating in favorite activities.  Their school work may be suffering, they may have difficulty concentrating, and may not pay much attention to their personal hygiene and appearance.

In some cases the teen may verbalize feelings of wanting to die or simply outright threaten suicide. The warnings given may be more subtle, like saying “I won’t be a problem much longer.” Any such references to death or suicide are clear cries for help and shouldn’t be ignored.

Depression, whether in a teen or adult, is a mental health problem that can be treated. Any signs that a teen may be considering suicide should call for immediate action. Talk to your family physician or a professional counselor.

At RTGTROY we want to help families struggling with adolescent issues, such as depression. Please reach out. We are passionate about helping teens through crisis.

There’s also information and help from the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Acting early can help save a young life.

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Try Taking Steps To Improve Your Self-Esteem #ConfidenceBoost #Counseling

When someone has low self-esteem, seeing little of value in himself or herself, it can lead to depression, cause someone to fall short of their true potential, or have the person tolerating abusive situations and relationships.

Most people need to build their self-esteem. It helps us to feel confident and self-assured, and helps us to relax with others and be more comfortable with who we are and how we interact with others.

The problem often is that we aren’t good at evaluating at our self-worth, and we will often use certain behaviors, usually unintentionally, that tend to reinforce feelings of low self-esteem.

One such behavior is “waiting for the perfect moment.”  Rather than living in the present, we feel we have to wait until we are smarter, richer, happier or a whole bunch of “anything-er” before we take action. But if we go ahead and do things, instead of waiting for the elusive perfect moment, we usually find that we start feeling smarter, richer and happier after all.

Another contributor to low self-esteem is when we ignore our own needs. While pleasing someone else can make us feel good, that isn’t true if helping others always means we are putting our own needs on hold. Sometimes it’s important to recognize and voice our own wants and to ask for help in small ways. Self-esteem increases when our relationships become more reciprocal.

We also hold ourselves back from higher levels of self-esteem when we try to hard to make everything perfect. While it’s nice to get it all right, it’s also okay to make mistakes. Self-esteem rises when we are able to view life as a work-in-progress that allows us to live and play in the moment.

Another step toward better self-esteem is simply to take chances. When we stay safe all the time inside our comfort zone we end up not progressing. Trying something new can make us feel uncomfortable, but it also can bring a sense of accomplishment when we succeed. And even with a failure, we can feel good about being brave enough to take a new step.

Trying something, anything, is almost always better than staying stuck. The more things you try, the more chances you take, the more opportunities you give yourself to feel proud and to improve your self-esteem.  For more information on self-esteem contact RTG-TROY today.  We are passionate about helping our clients.

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Do Your Kids Really Know How You Feel About Them?#ProudParents #CounselingFamilies #Communication

As parents we normally have many feelings and emotional reactions related to our children. Of course we love them, and are happy for them, and sometimes are driven crazy by them, but one of the things that research has shown is that we often do a poor job of communicating these feelings to our children, especially our sense of how proud they make us.

From a parent’s perspective this might seem an unfair criticism. It’s easy to believe that, of course, you  are proud of your children and so, of course, they know how you feel. But the reality is that more often what a child will absorb are those times when you say something critical. When your child knows he or she has done something wrong, or has fallen short of your expectations, this tends to make the strongest impression. This is especially true if you aren’t making a point of effectively communicating the real pride that you feel for your son or daughter.

One key to making such communication work is to avoid offering praise for things that really aren’t challenging and really aren’t much of an accomplishment. Such praise ends up devaluing all of your praise, turning it all into background noise that doesn’t mean much and that your kids will ignore.

To communicate your feelings of pride more effectively, focus on the process rather than simply the outcome. A parent offering praise to a child who is working hard and putting in extra effort is usually heard and appreciated. This type of praise highlights their trying and initiative, rather than just focusing only on the results. When children are praised for putting in extra effort, it becomes a reward that reinforces the work they’re doing and makes it likely they will continue to try hard in the future.

You want to find a balance between offering too little or too much praise. As a parent, you need to recognize when a child is pushing himself or herself to attempt something new or to persevere when something gets a little harder. This is when a compliment will be heard and will let your child know you’re truly proud of their efforts.

Children don’t automatically know how proud their parents are of them. For children to know about that pride, and to benefit from it, that pride needs to be communicated effectively. For more tips on how to communicate with your child contact RTG-TROY today.  We are dedicated to helping our client build better relationships.

 

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Sometimes It’s Good To Say “No” #Counseling #Therapy #Assertiveness

Most of us, most of the time, want to be nice, to do what is asked and to please those asking for our help. We usually try to be accommodating at work, with our friends, and with our family members.

But sometimes, rather than replying, “Sure,” when asked to do an inconvenient favor, or to take on a task beyond our abilities, it may make better sense to say, “No.”

It can often be difficult to just utter that simple “no.” We like to look responsible, helpful and capable. However, the reality is that saying “yes” to virtually every request can produce a variety of negative results.

Research has shown that the more difficulty someone has in saying “no,” the more the person is likely to experience stress, burnout and possibly even depression.  Difficult requests are highly likely to make you feel frustrated or anxious, or even mad at yourself for saying yes in the first place.

The key to saying no is to do it in a respectful and courteous manner.  It starts with understanding what your own boundaries are, and not being embarrassed to accept and follow those boundaries. When you see that a request is going to push you into a zone where you’ll feel uncomfortable or not fully competent, it’s important to make your feelings, and decision, clearly known.

Responding to a request with phrases like, “Gee, I’m not certain I can,” makes it clear that you are not being straightforward about your decision. That’s also true when your immediate response is to start apologizing or making excuses and explanations for why you can’t do what’s being requested.

Instead, first make sure that saying “no” is really the only alternative. Politely let the person know you would like to help, but first ask questions to clarify what is really needed. Perhaps there is a way that you can help that wasn’t evident when your aid was initially requested. But if it turns out that no really is the only right answer, then state your decision clearly. Let the person know you’re sorry you can’t help, but that it just wouldn’t work.

While we all want to be helpful, it’s important to recognize your own limitations, interests and capabilities. Stepping too far outside those comfort zones will leave you feeling anxious and frustrated, and probably won’t be the best help available.

If you have trouble with your “no” or with dealing with overwhelming anxiety or stress contact RTG-Troy today for more tips on how to bring your life into balance.  We are committed to helping our clients find successful communication.

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Avoid Traps and Drama with Defined Boundaries #Counseling #Relationships #Boundaries

Life can be full of traps. Sometimes this is never more apparent than in our relationships with others. Often the biggest traps that we can fall into, at one time or another, is getting stuck in unnecessary drama.

You know what I mean. The friend who has good attributes, but always manages to trigger an argument whenever you’re together; the coworker who seems to only want to talk about your mutual colleagues and everything they are doing wrong; your fragile friend whose feelings get wounded no matter what you do or say; or that person who you’re always saving from various troubles that seem to follow them wherever they go.

Getting bogged down by this kind of drama can be demotivating. Issues like this can zap your energy. Left alone, these relationships will end badly. Fortunately, most drama is avoidable by laying down solid boundaries.

Boundaries are like invisible property lines separating everything that is yours from everything that is not yours. Personal boundaries allow you to have ownership over your own thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions, while freeing you from being responsible for anyone else’s. Virtually everyone sets some form of boundaries without thinking about it, but when we consciously define our boundaries, we gain a huge degree of control over our happiness, comfort and the quality of our relationships.

Be Direct

Dramatic people tend to believe whatever they’re going through is more important than anything anyone else has going on in their life. There’s a reality distortion around people like this and the only way to break through is to be direct. Tell them that you don’t feel they show up in your life the same way that you show up for them. Tell them that you rely on their support. Being direct is a proactive step and will free you from regularly ‘reacting’ to the other person. If they care about the relationship, they’ll make an effort.

Be aware that this is a pattern for the other person, and in order to really change this dynamic, you may have to remind them. This is a boundary that defines you as equals in your relationship.

Be A Leader

Be in charge of the conversation or the activity. This doesn’t mean dominating the conversation, it means taking responsibility for where you’re going to wind up. You get what you allow. If gossiping makes you feel uncomfortable, then lead the conversation somewhere else. If someone only ever wants to hang out in loud bars, and winds up losing control, suggest an alternative. The boundary between being a leader or a follower will either define you as someone who is in control of how you feel, or as someone who lets others control how you feel.

Be Positive

There is a natural boundary between positivity and negativity, you must enforce it. When someone comes to you with nothing but negativity, be a force of relentless positivity. Sometimes this means shining a light on the good sides of a situation they are blinded to because of their negative mindset. Other times this may mean switching the topic of conversation to something lighter or more worthwhile.  Emotionally intelligent people recognize the difference between someone opening up their heart and sharing something when they need support, and letting someone simply spout off useless negativity. Drama is never positive and never fixes anything.

Be Brave

Don’t let the fear of hurting someone else’s feelings prevents you from doing things that might otherwise be the healthier choice. It takes a certain kind of bravery to cut someone out of your life. Bravery exists on one side of a boundary between action and passivity.

Much in the same way you must prune plants to shape and encourage their growth, sometimes you must make productive pruning a part of your own life. If you’ve taken the steps to try to shape a relationship with someone close to you, and yet the drama persists, it may be time to let go of that relationship until that person can function at the same level of maturity you need your close relationships to reflect.

Just about everyone will tell you that they hate drama, even people who are constantly living in it. If you really do want to seriously limit the drama in your life, all you have to do is set boundaries. You don’t have to tolerate drama in your life. Set a boundary around your time and energy and fill your heart with the desires that are pleasing to you. For more help understanding boundaries and how to deal with toxic relationships, contact RTGTROY today.