We Can Do Something About Teen Suicide

Many parents are, unfortunately, not aware of how common the problem of teen suicide is. In America, it’s estimated there is an average of more than 3,000 suicide attempts every day by young people in grades 9 to 12. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people ages 10 to 24, killing more teens and young adults than cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza and chronic lung disease combined.

Studies have found that four out of five teens who attempt suicide have given clear warning signs, yet too often such signs are ignored or simply not noticed or recognized.

Life today can seem overwhelming for many adolescents. Young people are confronted with physical and hormonal changes, school grade anxieties, being socially accepted and making life decisions about college or employment choices. Other factors, such as a parental divorce, a seriously ill relative or even moving to a new home can bring added levels of stress and anxiety. Being bullied, whether in person or online, will also contribute to the negative feelings a teen may be experiencing.

Teens affected by such factors are often suffering from depression and suicide may simply seem the easiest way to escape the blackness they are feeling.  Depression is a mental health issue that doesn’t cure itself, but it does have a number of signs that can help a parent spot a teen in trouble.

Teens suffering from depression will often exhibit changes in eating and sleeping habits. They often are withdrawn, losing interest in friends and family, and no longer participating in favorite activities.  Their school work may be suffering, they may have difficulty concentrating, and may not pay much attention to their personal hygiene and appearance.

In some cases the teen may verbalize feelings of wanting to die or simply outright threaten suicide. The warnings given may be more subtle, like saying “I won’t be a problem much longer.” Any such references to death or suicide are clear cries for help and shouldn’t be ignored.

Depression, whether in a teen or adult, is a mental health problem that can be treated. Any signs that a teen may be considering suicide should call for immediate action. Talk to your family physician or a professional counselor.

At RTGTROY we want to help families struggling with adolescent issues, such as depression. Please reach out. We are passionate about helping teens through crisis.

There’s also information and help from the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Acting early can help save a young life.

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Don’t Let Tests Overwhelm Your Child #TestAnxiety #AdolescentCounseling

Testing is a fact of life for students from elementary through high school. Whether it’s a school system required standardized test, or simply an exam or quiz from the teacher to measure progress and understanding, tests can be a major source of stress and anxiety for many students.

There is no magic cure to remove all the anxiety from testing, but there are strategies to reduce stress levels and to maximize test performance.

A great starting point is being physically prepared. That can help with not only test-taking, but with all aspects of the school day. And all being physically prepared means is that your child should be well-rested and eating healthy foods.

Studies find that the average teen should be getting eight to ten hours of sleep per night, especially on school nights. Those studies, however, find that only about 15% of teens actually get at least 8 hours of sleep on most school nights. That doesn’t make for a well-rested brain when that algebra pop quiz appears in the morning.

Similarly, good nutrition plays a very important role in brain function. Skipping breakfast will always impair brain function. Junk and high-sugar foods almost always guarantee a sugar high that will be followed by a crash during the school day. Drinks high in caffeine, like coffee, soda and energy drinks, may help a student feel alert but can also make him or her feel jittery and nervous and then concentrating is much more difficult.

While getting enough sleep and eating well are important, another critical key to reducing test anxiety is to be prepared. This means staying on top of the subject, keeping up with assigned readings, and being aware of when tests are coming up. By maintaining a more constant understanding of the subject matter your student can avoid having to do last-minute “cramming,” which almost always raises anxiety levels and doesn’t improve grades much.

You can also help your child by teaching them some relaxation techniques. Simply taking a few deep breaths before and even during the exam, and thinking positive thoughts about doing well, can actually make a real difference.

Doing well on tests requires planning, studying and relaxing. But if these things don’t help your child, he or she may be suffering from some degree of test anxiety. In such cases, the school counselor, or an outside professional counselor, can provide help in overcoming the problem.

If you think your child is struggling and needs help with anxiety support a professional counselor can provide tools to ease the strain.  Please contact RTG-Troy today if you need assistance in this area.  We are here to help.

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Handling A Teenager’s Need To Be More Responsible #Parenting #FamilyCounseling

One of the hardest things for many parents to deal with is their children’s demand for more freedoms as they grow into teenagers.  After years of making most of your child’s decisions and putting your child’s needs first, you find yourself confronting a young adult who wants the freedom to face more of the world on his or her own.

On some level, of course, we all recognize that our teenagers need increasing amounts of freedom and responsibility. It’s a natural part of the developmental process.

At the same time, we realize there are very real reasons to go slowly in allowing more freedom. News reports and local stories of substance abuse, teen pregnancies, violence and more issues naturally make us worry about the world our teen is facing.

But when we constantly say “no” to our teens’ requests, trying to protect and shield them just a little longer, the result is often  family conflict, with our teenager pulling away and no longer confiding in us, or perhaps going behind our backs seeking the desired freedom.

While there is no magic cure, there are steps you can take to minimize this conflict. The most important is simply to improve communications.

Sit down with your teen and try to explain your fears and anxieties related to granting increased freedoms. While hearing about your worries may not win your teen’s full acceptance or understanding, it can open up meaningful dialogues that can lead to acceptable compromises.

The next step is to go ahead and allow increasing amounts of freedom and responsibilities  –   opportunities for your teenager to prove he or she really is ready to be more independent.

How much can you trust?  How much responsibility should you grant? There are no absolute answers, just judgment calls you have to make based on your teen’s personality and past performance.

Yes, mistakes will be made, but also note that most of the time things will turn out just fine. Try to understand that this is also a very difficult and often confusing process for your teen.

Your decisions are still going to worry you and upset your teen at times but when you make a conscious effort to allow increased levels of freedom and responsibility, while also fairly measuring how well your teen handles the changes, you should find that the struggles with your teenager should begin to diminish.

If you find you need help with handling your parenting decisions or maybe you struggle in knowing how to communicate with your teen, contact RTG-Troy today.  We are here to help.  You are not alone.

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Talking About Drugs Is Part Of Being A Parent #DrugFreeHome #ParentsMatter #FamilyCounseling

With the new school year just underway, it’s an excellent time for parents to have a serious discussion with their children. No, not that awkward sex talk but a conversation even more important, one about illicit drugs and the dangers they represent.

With marijuana now legal, either medically or recreationally, in all but four states, it has helped reduce the negative stigma, especially for young people, that once applied to all drugs. For many teens, these changes in society may have them thinking that other drugs, whether illegal street drugs or stolen prescription pills, are probably okay as well.

With virtually every child exposed to illicit drugs these days, talking about the issue is a critical part of parenting.  And it’s a conversation that experts recommend starting as early as age five.

A five-year-old can understand, when given clear explanations by a parent, why substances like cigarettes, alcohol and household products can all be harmful, and why to never to swallow a pill or anything else that mom and dad hasn’t given them.

For older children, parents should help a child develop a “plan of action” about what to do when confronted with drugs. Ask questions such as, “What would you do if a friend wanted you to try drugs?” “How would you feel about that person?” Listen to your child’s responses without being critical. Try to gently lead him or her into thinking in appropriate ways about the situation, without criticizing or forcing your own ideas on the child. You want to ensure that your child has thought about drug-related issues, rather than being shocked or overwhelmed when drugs are encountered in the real world.

With teenagers, try questioning what drugs might mean to their lives. If a child is considering college or military service, discuss what effect drugs might have on achieving those goals.

Basic education about the problems and dangers that drugs can bring is an effective tool in helping your child, especially in light of the current opioid epidemic and increasing numbers of illicit fentanyl deaths.

Parental behavior also matters. Discard those left-over pain pills in your medicine cabinet. Keep tabs on prescribed medications. Be a good model. When children are aware that parents use drugs or drink heavily, it is hard for them to see why they can’t do the same themselves.

For more tips on how to effectively communicate with your children on drugs and other matters contact RTG-Troy.  We are here to help.  If your family is struggling reach out today.

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Helping Your Teen Deal With Peer Pressure #PeerPressure #Counseling

As parents we like to think we’re the most important influence in our children’s lives. And that’s probably true up to a certain age but then the outside world, in the form of school and friends, intrudes. By the time your child is a teenager it’s almost a certainty that the opinions and actions of other teens are playing a large role in decisions about everything from clothing choices to hair styles to academic efforts.

 

Peer pressure is natural and, in many cases, can be a positive thing. But it can also be a negative, especially for a teen lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem who is anxious to be accepted by others.

As a parent you can’t control the pressures your teen is going to be experiencing, but you can play a big role in helping him or her overcome negative peer pressure.

Your starting point is to try and build confidence and self-esteem for your teen. A child who is self-confident and has high self-esteem is much more able to say no to harmful behaviors.

Help build that self-esteem by looking for positive accomplishments and praising work that is being well done. At the same time, try to limit criticism when a teen’s efforts fall short.

You want to take a genuine interest in your teen’s life. Ask questions about what he or she is doing and feeling. Learn to respect your teen’s thinking even when it’s counter to your own. Try to be respectful of your teen’s decisions in friends, music and appearance.  Getting your teen to really talk to you can often be difficult, but showing a real interest in your teen’s life can produce results.

This doesn’t mean that everything and everyone your teen values gets your approval. You are still the parent and need to sometimes set rules and boundaries.  While “forbidding” certain friends seldom works, if  you build a respectful relationship with your teen you should be able to express your concerns and work together to set reasonable limits.

Strengthening the family relationships also helps. Insist on homework and chores being done. Set curfews and stick to them. Spend time with your teen, have family dinners together and find quiet times when you really can talk to each other.

Not all peer pressure is negative but as a parent, part of your job is to help your teen learn how to evaluate friendships. If your teen is struggling, and you need help navigating the world of adolescence stress, reach out to RTG-Troy.  We have counselors who are trained to help teens in crisis.

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Do Your Kids Really Know How You Feel About Them?#ProudParents #CounselingFamilies #Communication

As parents we normally have many feelings and emotional reactions related to our children. Of course we love them, and are happy for them, and sometimes are driven crazy by them, but one of the things that research has shown is that we often do a poor job of communicating these feelings to our children, especially our sense of how proud they make us.

From a parent’s perspective this might seem an unfair criticism. It’s easy to believe that, of course, you  are proud of your children and so, of course, they know how you feel. But the reality is that more often what a child will absorb are those times when you say something critical. When your child knows he or she has done something wrong, or has fallen short of your expectations, this tends to make the strongest impression. This is especially true if you aren’t making a point of effectively communicating the real pride that you feel for your son or daughter.

One key to making such communication work is to avoid offering praise for things that really aren’t challenging and really aren’t much of an accomplishment. Such praise ends up devaluing all of your praise, turning it all into background noise that doesn’t mean much and that your kids will ignore.

To communicate your feelings of pride more effectively, focus on the process rather than simply the outcome. A parent offering praise to a child who is working hard and putting in extra effort is usually heard and appreciated. This type of praise highlights their trying and initiative, rather than just focusing only on the results. When children are praised for putting in extra effort, it becomes a reward that reinforces the work they’re doing and makes it likely they will continue to try hard in the future.

You want to find a balance between offering too little or too much praise. As a parent, you need to recognize when a child is pushing himself or herself to attempt something new or to persevere when something gets a little harder. This is when a compliment will be heard and will let your child know you’re truly proud of their efforts.

Children don’t automatically know how proud their parents are of them. For children to know about that pride, and to benefit from it, that pride needs to be communicated effectively. For more tips on how to communicate with your child contact RTG-TROY today.  We are dedicated to helping our client build better relationships.

 

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Is Your Summer Vacation Really A Vacation? #FamilyTherapy #SummerFun

A vacation is a chance to get away from the normal routine of work and demands of daily life. When done right, a vacation should be a period of relaxation, enjoyment and recharging yourself.  Research has shown that a vacation with those close to us is a shared experience that makes us happy, and continues to do so when we relive the experience afterwards.

But done badly, summer holidays can produce enough stress that some people need to return to daily life to rest up from that “vacation.”

A relaxing summer holiday simply requires some planning and careful choices. A good vacation isn’t about how long it lasts or where you go, but rather about what you do with your time, and the choices made to help you relax.

Most important is not trying to do too much. Experts suggest staying in fewer places for longer periods of time makes it easier to relax. Similarly, don’t try to pack in too many activities. Scheduling is fine,  but you don’t need to fill every minute. Plan some free time when relaxing is your only goal.

For a family trip, reduce conflict and complaining by planning activities that will satisfy at least some of the needs of  all family members. Talk with your kids about the trade-offs. Some things being planned will be to keep them happy, but help them understand that other activities are to keep mom and dad happy, too.

You can also reduce vacation stress by being realistic about work obligations. Constantly worrying about what’s happening back in the office is not a way to relax. If you can’t totally escape work issues, plan some specific work time. Set up an afternoon when the family can disappear to have fun and you can check in with the office and clear up any problems.  When that’s done, get back to your vacation and relaxing.

Your goal is to make vacation time restful and fun. Don’t stress out by worrying that everything you’ve planned has to happen and has to be wonderful. Accept that your schedule is flexible, and if you discover something new and interesting, take the time to enjoy it. What you don’t want is a schedule packed with activities that will leave everyone feeling tired, cranky and overwhelmed.

Keep your vacation simple, under-scheduled and flexible, and you have a better chance of coming back truly refreshed and reinvigorated.  For more tips on how to relax and manage stress contact RTG-TROY today.  We are here to help.

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Don’t Keep Your Children In The Dark Even When The News Is Bad #Counseling #FamilyTherapy

Unfortunately, doing so often does the child a disservice. He or she may grow up with a faulty perception of marriage and family life, and a distorted picture of how the real world works.

Most children, even fairly young ones, are often more aware of problems than we realize. They overhear discussions and recognize when a parent is sad, upset or acting in unusual ways. They hear people talk or see things on TV that let them see how troubled the world can be.When children, especially young children, get news in bits and pieces it can leave them with a poor understanding of what is happening. Children are used to making mistakes and being blamed for various things.  When children see Mommy and Daddy are unhappy, upset, angry or worried, they will often assume the worst and think it must be their fault.

Instead, children benefit when they are informed, in an age-appropriate manner, about what is happening. They don’t need to know all the sordid details of relationship problems, bad work environments or the loss of a job, but they should have reliable information if what’s happening is going to impact them. If information isn’t shared, again the kids often assume the problem is their fault.

How much to share depends on the child. Most younger children don’t need to know all the details, but it’s important to let your child understand that he or she is included, that the problem isn’t his or her fault, and that as parents, you are doing your best to handle the issue.

Share such information at a time when you and your children can sit down together and discuss what is happening without distractions. Allow a child to ask questions and to understand the situation on his or her level. You want to be truthful and reassuring.

Your school counselor, or a local professional counselor, can offer help about the best ways to share bad news with your children, as well as advice on behavior changes that such news might bring.

Whenever a family is facing troubling times, deciding how to communicate with your children should be one of your first – not last – priorities.  RTGTROY can help.  We are passionate about relational communications and family dynamics.  We are committed to helping you develop skills and promote healthy connection.  Contact RTGTROY today.

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Helping A Child Handle Disappointment

Disappointment comes to everyone. As adults we, hopefully, have learned that when people or activities may sometimes let us down, we can keep such things in perspective and find ways to overcome our dashed hopes.

 

But for children, disappointment can come in numerous forms. Even a seemingly minor hurt can often seem like such a complete disaster that the child truly has a difficult time accepting and dealing with it. And, in many cases, such as when a beloved pet dies or a close friend moves away, the hurt can be very real and deep and won’t disappear easily.

While responding to childhood disappointments can seem difficult, there are solid reasons to do it in a good way.  We can make our child feel less sad, avoid more serious emotional issues, and, when we respond well, we help open communication that can strengthen the child – parent relationship.

How do you begin to respond to a child’s disappointment? Listening is step one. Don’t minimize or discount the story your child has to tell, even if it seems trivial to you. It’s very real to your child, and a response such as, “That’s no big deal,” or, “You’ll forget about it by tomorrow,” only serves to convince your child that you don’t really understand or even care.

You also don’t want to hurry in with a pleasant experience or reward to make the hurt go away. This can establish flawed patterns that carry over into adulthood and can present very real future problems.

Instead, talk “with” your child, rather than “to” him or her. Don’t begin an interrogation when something seems wrong but instead tell him or her in a gentle way that you’ve noticed they’re unhappy and encourage them to tell you what has happened.

Don’t be judgmental about what is being reported but instead offer sympathy and understanding. Let your child know you empathize because you’ve suffered your own disappointments. Don’t try to top your child’s story, but instead listen and sympathize. Just being able to share can do much to minimize the hurt.

In some cases, being a good listener may not be enough. If you notice a persistent change in behavior over time, and if your child is refusing to talk about what’s wrong, it may be appropriate to seek help from a trained professional counselor. Your child’s school counselor is always a good place to start.

If you decide the time is right for professional counseling, RTGTROY is always available to assist you.  Whether we are a match for your child’s needs or not, we are connected to many referral sources and can help connect you with the right fit for your family.  Never be afraid to reach out.  We are committed to helping you have stronger relationships and happy, healthy families.

-Reprinted in full or part with permission from the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Is Family Counseling Worth Considering?

We all face problems and usually tend to think that the burden of those problems is just our own. Actually, many times there may be real benefit in dealing with such problems by involving those with whom we’re the closest—our families.

Family counseling is a specialized field for professional counselors that was developed in the 1950s. Many decades of experience have shown that involving family members often leads to greater understanding, increased support and the discovery of more effective ways to treat the causes of a problem.

While professional counselors specializing in family counseling may employ a number of different approaches, they tend to have some common characteristics.  These include focusing on the family as a client rather than just seeing an individual as the one with the problem. They look at how a family operates and how it reacts to influences from within and without. They see dealing with the family as a whole as an effective way to help overcome problems and work through issues even though they may be affecting only one or two family members.

While family counseling is not the answer for every problem, it has been very effective in dealing with several long-term, serious issues. A family member suffering from addiction, an eating disorder or severe depression, for example, are cases where family counseling often yields positive results.  Other issues, such as gender identity, may also be understood better if all family members are aware and supportive.

Professional counselors in the field of family counseling work in a variety of ways depending on their educational background and the situation being presented.  It can be important to discuss your counselor’s approach and methods before beginning the process of treatment.

You also want to approach such counseling with the right understanding. Seeking to change someone else is usually not productive, but looking for ways you can change yourself in regard to family matters usually is.

Family counseling is usually as effective as individual counseling when the family is willing to seek help as a group. Your local mental health center, an online search, or the American Counseling Association  website at http://www.counseling.org(click the “Find A Counselor” tab at the top) can help locate professional family counselors in your area who can help break down barriers in communication and intimacy and assist you in finding more productive ways to operate as a family.

  (Reprinted from the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog)