Don’t Let Tests Overwhelm Your Child #TestAnxiety #AdolescentCounseling

Testing is a fact of life for students from elementary through high school. Whether it’s a school system required standardized test, or simply an exam or quiz from the teacher to measure progress and understanding, tests can be a major source of stress and anxiety for many students.

There is no magic cure to remove all the anxiety from testing, but there are strategies to reduce stress levels and to maximize test performance.

A great starting point is being physically prepared. That can help with not only test-taking, but with all aspects of the school day. And all being physically prepared means is that your child should be well-rested and eating healthy foods.

Studies find that the average teen should be getting eight to ten hours of sleep per night, especially on school nights. Those studies, however, find that only about 15% of teens actually get at least 8 hours of sleep on most school nights. That doesn’t make for a well-rested brain when that algebra pop quiz appears in the morning.

Similarly, good nutrition plays a very important role in brain function. Skipping breakfast will always impair brain function. Junk and high-sugar foods almost always guarantee a sugar high that will be followed by a crash during the school day. Drinks high in caffeine, like coffee, soda and energy drinks, may help a student feel alert but can also make him or her feel jittery and nervous and then concentrating is much more difficult.

While getting enough sleep and eating well are important, another critical key to reducing test anxiety is to be prepared. This means staying on top of the subject, keeping up with assigned readings, and being aware of when tests are coming up. By maintaining a more constant understanding of the subject matter your student can avoid having to do last-minute “cramming,” which almost always raises anxiety levels and doesn’t improve grades much.

You can also help your child by teaching them some relaxation techniques. Simply taking a few deep breaths before and even during the exam, and thinking positive thoughts about doing well, can actually make a real difference.

Doing well on tests requires planning, studying and relaxing. But if these things don’t help your child, he or she may be suffering from some degree of test anxiety. In such cases, the school counselor, or an outside professional counselor, can provide help in overcoming the problem.

If you think your child is struggling and needs help with anxiety support a professional counselor can provide tools to ease the strain.  Please contact RTG-Troy today if you need assistance in this area.  We are here to help.

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Talking About Drugs Is Part Of Being A Parent #DrugFreeHome #ParentsMatter #FamilyCounseling

With the new school year just underway, it’s an excellent time for parents to have a serious discussion with their children. No, not that awkward sex talk but a conversation even more important, one about illicit drugs and the dangers they represent.

With marijuana now legal, either medically or recreationally, in all but four states, it has helped reduce the negative stigma, especially for young people, that once applied to all drugs. For many teens, these changes in society may have them thinking that other drugs, whether illegal street drugs or stolen prescription pills, are probably okay as well.

With virtually every child exposed to illicit drugs these days, talking about the issue is a critical part of parenting.  And it’s a conversation that experts recommend starting as early as age five.

A five-year-old can understand, when given clear explanations by a parent, why substances like cigarettes, alcohol and household products can all be harmful, and why to never to swallow a pill or anything else that mom and dad hasn’t given them.

For older children, parents should help a child develop a “plan of action” about what to do when confronted with drugs. Ask questions such as, “What would you do if a friend wanted you to try drugs?” “How would you feel about that person?” Listen to your child’s responses without being critical. Try to gently lead him or her into thinking in appropriate ways about the situation, without criticizing or forcing your own ideas on the child. You want to ensure that your child has thought about drug-related issues, rather than being shocked or overwhelmed when drugs are encountered in the real world.

With teenagers, try questioning what drugs might mean to their lives. If a child is considering college or military service, discuss what effect drugs might have on achieving those goals.

Basic education about the problems and dangers that drugs can bring is an effective tool in helping your child, especially in light of the current opioid epidemic and increasing numbers of illicit fentanyl deaths.

Parental behavior also matters. Discard those left-over pain pills in your medicine cabinet. Keep tabs on prescribed medications. Be a good model. When children are aware that parents use drugs or drink heavily, it is hard for them to see why they can’t do the same themselves.

For more tips on how to effectively communicate with your children on drugs and other matters contact RTG-Troy.  We are here to help.  If your family is struggling reach out today.

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Do Your Kids Really Know How You Feel About Them?#ProudParents #CounselingFamilies #Communication

As parents we normally have many feelings and emotional reactions related to our children. Of course we love them, and are happy for them, and sometimes are driven crazy by them, but one of the things that research has shown is that we often do a poor job of communicating these feelings to our children, especially our sense of how proud they make us.

From a parent’s perspective this might seem an unfair criticism. It’s easy to believe that, of course, you  are proud of your children and so, of course, they know how you feel. But the reality is that more often what a child will absorb are those times when you say something critical. When your child knows he or she has done something wrong, or has fallen short of your expectations, this tends to make the strongest impression. This is especially true if you aren’t making a point of effectively communicating the real pride that you feel for your son or daughter.

One key to making such communication work is to avoid offering praise for things that really aren’t challenging and really aren’t much of an accomplishment. Such praise ends up devaluing all of your praise, turning it all into background noise that doesn’t mean much and that your kids will ignore.

To communicate your feelings of pride more effectively, focus on the process rather than simply the outcome. A parent offering praise to a child who is working hard and putting in extra effort is usually heard and appreciated. This type of praise highlights their trying and initiative, rather than just focusing only on the results. When children are praised for putting in extra effort, it becomes a reward that reinforces the work they’re doing and makes it likely they will continue to try hard in the future.

You want to find a balance between offering too little or too much praise. As a parent, you need to recognize when a child is pushing himself or herself to attempt something new or to persevere when something gets a little harder. This is when a compliment will be heard and will let your child know you’re truly proud of their efforts.

Children don’t automatically know how proud their parents are of them. For children to know about that pride, and to benefit from it, that pride needs to be communicated effectively. For more tips on how to communicate with your child contact RTG-TROY today.  We are dedicated to helping our client build better relationships.

 

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Is Your Summer Vacation Really A Vacation? #FamilyTherapy #SummerFun

A vacation is a chance to get away from the normal routine of work and demands of daily life. When done right, a vacation should be a period of relaxation, enjoyment and recharging yourself.  Research has shown that a vacation with those close to us is a shared experience that makes us happy, and continues to do so when we relive the experience afterwards.

But done badly, summer holidays can produce enough stress that some people need to return to daily life to rest up from that “vacation.”

A relaxing summer holiday simply requires some planning and careful choices. A good vacation isn’t about how long it lasts or where you go, but rather about what you do with your time, and the choices made to help you relax.

Most important is not trying to do too much. Experts suggest staying in fewer places for longer periods of time makes it easier to relax. Similarly, don’t try to pack in too many activities. Scheduling is fine,  but you don’t need to fill every minute. Plan some free time when relaxing is your only goal.

For a family trip, reduce conflict and complaining by planning activities that will satisfy at least some of the needs of  all family members. Talk with your kids about the trade-offs. Some things being planned will be to keep them happy, but help them understand that other activities are to keep mom and dad happy, too.

You can also reduce vacation stress by being realistic about work obligations. Constantly worrying about what’s happening back in the office is not a way to relax. If you can’t totally escape work issues, plan some specific work time. Set up an afternoon when the family can disappear to have fun and you can check in with the office and clear up any problems.  When that’s done, get back to your vacation and relaxing.

Your goal is to make vacation time restful and fun. Don’t stress out by worrying that everything you’ve planned has to happen and has to be wonderful. Accept that your schedule is flexible, and if you discover something new and interesting, take the time to enjoy it. What you don’t want is a schedule packed with activities that will leave everyone feeling tired, cranky and overwhelmed.

Keep your vacation simple, under-scheduled and flexible, and you have a better chance of coming back truly refreshed and reinvigorated.  For more tips on how to relax and manage stress contact RTG-TROY today.  We are here to help.

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Don’t Keep Your Children In The Dark Even When The News Is Bad #Counseling #FamilyTherapy

Unfortunately, doing so often does the child a disservice. He or she may grow up with a faulty perception of marriage and family life, and a distorted picture of how the real world works.

Most children, even fairly young ones, are often more aware of problems than we realize. They overhear discussions and recognize when a parent is sad, upset or acting in unusual ways. They hear people talk or see things on TV that let them see how troubled the world can be.When children, especially young children, get news in bits and pieces it can leave them with a poor understanding of what is happening. Children are used to making mistakes and being blamed for various things.  When children see Mommy and Daddy are unhappy, upset, angry or worried, they will often assume the worst and think it must be their fault.

Instead, children benefit when they are informed, in an age-appropriate manner, about what is happening. They don’t need to know all the sordid details of relationship problems, bad work environments or the loss of a job, but they should have reliable information if what’s happening is going to impact them. If information isn’t shared, again the kids often assume the problem is their fault.

How much to share depends on the child. Most younger children don’t need to know all the details, but it’s important to let your child understand that he or she is included, that the problem isn’t his or her fault, and that as parents, you are doing your best to handle the issue.

Share such information at a time when you and your children can sit down together and discuss what is happening without distractions. Allow a child to ask questions and to understand the situation on his or her level. You want to be truthful and reassuring.

Your school counselor, or a local professional counselor, can offer help about the best ways to share bad news with your children, as well as advice on behavior changes that such news might bring.

Whenever a family is facing troubling times, deciding how to communicate with your children should be one of your first – not last – priorities.  RTGTROY can help.  We are passionate about relational communications and family dynamics.  We are committed to helping you develop skills and promote healthy connection.  Contact RTGTROY today.

-Reprinted in full or in part with attribution to the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Helping A Child Handle Disappointment

Disappointment comes to everyone. As adults we, hopefully, have learned that when people or activities may sometimes let us down, we can keep such things in perspective and find ways to overcome our dashed hopes.

 

But for children, disappointment can come in numerous forms. Even a seemingly minor hurt can often seem like such a complete disaster that the child truly has a difficult time accepting and dealing with it. And, in many cases, such as when a beloved pet dies or a close friend moves away, the hurt can be very real and deep and won’t disappear easily.

While responding to childhood disappointments can seem difficult, there are solid reasons to do it in a good way.  We can make our child feel less sad, avoid more serious emotional issues, and, when we respond well, we help open communication that can strengthen the child – parent relationship.

How do you begin to respond to a child’s disappointment? Listening is step one. Don’t minimize or discount the story your child has to tell, even if it seems trivial to you. It’s very real to your child, and a response such as, “That’s no big deal,” or, “You’ll forget about it by tomorrow,” only serves to convince your child that you don’t really understand or even care.

You also don’t want to hurry in with a pleasant experience or reward to make the hurt go away. This can establish flawed patterns that carry over into adulthood and can present very real future problems.

Instead, talk “with” your child, rather than “to” him or her. Don’t begin an interrogation when something seems wrong but instead tell him or her in a gentle way that you’ve noticed they’re unhappy and encourage them to tell you what has happened.

Don’t be judgmental about what is being reported but instead offer sympathy and understanding. Let your child know you empathize because you’ve suffered your own disappointments. Don’t try to top your child’s story, but instead listen and sympathize. Just being able to share can do much to minimize the hurt.

In some cases, being a good listener may not be enough. If you notice a persistent change in behavior over time, and if your child is refusing to talk about what’s wrong, it may be appropriate to seek help from a trained professional counselor. Your child’s school counselor is always a good place to start.

If you decide the time is right for professional counseling, RTGTROY is always available to assist you.  Whether we are a match for your child’s needs or not, we are connected to many referral sources and can help connect you with the right fit for your family.  Never be afraid to reach out.  We are committed to helping you have stronger relationships and happy, healthy families.

-Reprinted in full or part with permission from the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog.

Is Family Counseling Worth Considering?

We all face problems and usually tend to think that the burden of those problems is just our own. Actually, many times there may be real benefit in dealing with such problems by involving those with whom we’re the closest—our families.

Family counseling is a specialized field for professional counselors that was developed in the 1950s. Many decades of experience have shown that involving family members often leads to greater understanding, increased support and the discovery of more effective ways to treat the causes of a problem.

While professional counselors specializing in family counseling may employ a number of different approaches, they tend to have some common characteristics.  These include focusing on the family as a client rather than just seeing an individual as the one with the problem. They look at how a family operates and how it reacts to influences from within and without. They see dealing with the family as a whole as an effective way to help overcome problems and work through issues even though they may be affecting only one or two family members.

While family counseling is not the answer for every problem, it has been very effective in dealing with several long-term, serious issues. A family member suffering from addiction, an eating disorder or severe depression, for example, are cases where family counseling often yields positive results.  Other issues, such as gender identity, may also be understood better if all family members are aware and supportive.

Professional counselors in the field of family counseling work in a variety of ways depending on their educational background and the situation being presented.  It can be important to discuss your counselor’s approach and methods before beginning the process of treatment.

You also want to approach such counseling with the right understanding. Seeking to change someone else is usually not productive, but looking for ways you can change yourself in regard to family matters usually is.

Family counseling is usually as effective as individual counseling when the family is willing to seek help as a group. Your local mental health center, an online search, or the American Counseling Association  website at http://www.counseling.org(click the “Find A Counselor” tab at the top) can help locate professional family counselors in your area who can help break down barriers in communication and intimacy and assist you in finding more productive ways to operate as a family.

  (Reprinted from the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Corner Blog)

Is Therapy Scary?

What an excellent question!  It is completely normal to be nervous about beginning therapy, especially if you have never engaged in counseling before. After all, anything new and unknown can be a bit anxiety-provoking.  Very often when people come to therapy, it is because they have been struggling with a particular issue or cluster of issues for a significant period of time and have not been able to come to any kind of lasting or meaningful resolution on their own. This can cause frustration and can lead to even desperation. It may also force people to question both their ability to address their issue(s) and the very possibility that the issue(s) can be resolved. Thus, by the time someone decides to begin therapy, they might be dealing with hopelessness on top of the issue that initially triggered the need for therapy. This makes the beginning of therapy feel especially charged.

The good news is, there is nothing you can’t talk about it therapy. So, if you are beginning therapy and you feel really anxious about it, talk to your therapist about this anxiety. Your therapist will be able to help you explore this anxiety and uncover some of the concerns and fears that underlie it. Maybe you are wondering how therapy works and why it will help when other things you have tried have not. You might also be interested in knowing what kind of experience and training your therapist has in working with people on the kind of issues you are bringing to therapy. Raising these concerns, and any others you may have, will afford you the opportunity to learn more about therapy, how it works, and your therapist’s background and approach to the work.  It is perfectly acceptable to call and have a consultation with a therapist to see if they are a fit for you before you spend time in their office.  Gaining an understanding of what to expect in therapy will likely help to reduce your anxiety. Beyond that, it can also be a safe, non-threatening way to begin building a strong therapeutic relationship that will allow you to tackle the issue(s) that brought you to therapy in the first place.

Contact RTGTroy today for more information on counseling services or finding a therapist to meet your needs.

Your Family, Your Team

Many of us have been watching the Olympics lately and enjoying the athletic contest in action.  For so many of those athletes, the dream of reaching the Olympic stage could never have been achieved without the help of their teammates along the way.  Families are a lot like teams.  At the core of both you will find, in order to be successful, you must have open and candid communication.  You have to share the tactical plan.  An athlete cannot perform without access to the playbook.  Cheer on your team!  Root for your family!

“Precision of communication is important, more important than ever, in our era of hair-trigger balances, when a false, or misunderstood word may create as much disaster as a sudden thoughtless act.” – James Thurber

T-I-M-E

“A hundred years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove.  But the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.” – Forest E. Witcraft

I sometimes think it is easy to get swept up in the business of life.  To feel caught in the hustle and bustle of activities around us.  It can almost feel like we are running on a treadmill, constantly striving for the finishline, but never actually reaching it.

When I read this quote I am reminded that children view our love and relationship to them in simple terms.  To a child love is spelled T-I-M-E.  Not money, not toys, not fancy trips, simply time.  We just need to be there.  Really be there, slow down, be present, and be there.